Otherwise, perform

Ooh. Well, it has been a while. I've been off musicking. Teaching, planning, playing, then reading and thinking about the big career....Just as I posted a blog about being dissatisfied with only one thing a day, I started to feel like consolidating all the work I do as a teacher into one regular, benefit-paying, vacation-day accruing job. Yes, a school teacher.

As I was searching for ribbon for my coffee-filter jellyfish tentacles, my husband asked if I'd like to be a kindergarten teacher. Maybe. The idea of having a pet guinea pig in my classroom sounds very cool. But, do I have that kind of energy? I come home from teaching preschool music exhausted right now, and my back yearns for physical therapy, or a least Pilates. It's hard enough to stay awake, much more to get myself to the music stand and plan for the rest of the week.

I hear different things about being a schoolteacher - that it's great if all you have to do is teach music, that it depends largely on your school and principal, that it's all-consuming. My biggest objection is that I would not have time or energy to be a performer. It has always been this way - I have always felt so at home on the stage. This is the decision I made 12 years ago when I declared myself a performance major, to which my flute teacher said, "Well, if you can do anything else, do it. Otherwise, perform because you can't stand not to perform."

There it is. These days I'm experimenting with a Native-American flute, hoping to incoporate it into my solo set. My husband and I are collaborating on our business website. I'm facing the music stand and practicing, and I'm desperate for this $8000 flute...oh, and this cool shakuhachi headjoint for my flute, it's only $800. I have no clue how to come up with that money, but I have to perform. I also have to connect to people beyond playing, and for me education fills the gap. I sense, however, that there are more venues than just traditional classroom education or community service-style outreach. More next time...